To the woman I was from the woman I am becoming: A Mother’s Day letter postpartum day 40

Dear Vanessa,

This Mother’s Day is your postpartum day 40, I know right? Cuarentena I think it is called the first 40 days (you haven’t bothered to check). Yes, it has already been 40 days and you are out of the fog. It is starting to get clear. You are getting clarity and almost have your footing. You have sort of gotten kinder with yourself, still struggling with grace but we're getting there. God is so funny, day 40 and it lands right on mother’s day. Your last mother’s day as a new mom. You gave birth to your last baby April 1st, 2025. A baby girl. You are currently going through contractions like a motherf^cker. You were induced and chose to go unmedicated. The staff looked at you like you were buggin, Miguel supported you and you did it. It was rough as f*ck but you were right, it is not impossible, you were made for it. While at the hospital, you decided to track your postpartum journey. Daily journaling of the journey. It is pretty dope, a little annoying at times but you made it to day 40. 

The first few days were foggy. Every moment felt like you were crashing against the shore and you couldn't get up. Not even drowning, just straight up crashing one thing after the other, ni un segundo pa’ respirar. Why? Cuz you forgot the newborn stage, duh! Yoooooo, what the f^ck?!?! Now that we are here 40 days later you can’t even believe that sh!t. Definitely not having no more kids, we good. New mom with three toddlers eso esta de madre. There are smooth moments but mostly what the f^ck. The boys adore their new baby sister but all that love from kids that don’t know their own strength omg. Que maldito stress. But you killing it, really. You pushed through the first week sore as f^ck but you made it. Lots of health issues came up that you have NEVER experienced but you made it. Migel supported you and held the kids down. Mami is the real MVP. She pulled up and held the kids down so you could figure it out. It was shaky at first. Ya had madre hija moments that were annoying as f^ck but thankfully you are doing the work and handled it like a champ. You could do even better but we going to be suave for now. You have been through a lot.

Your body opened once again. You were a portal for a few weeks cuz the way them hips were struggling, que vaina. You limped for a little bit and were slow getting around. For some reason people thought you were going to run around como si nada. A new baby is still a new baby no matter how many you have. Your popola was sore for about one week. It felt open. You did not tear but still a whole human came out of you. I think you pushed yourself too hard to heal those first few days but I get it. You really wanted to be there for your kids. That mom guilt ima need you to work on it. But you made it to day 40. You shower daily. Te arreglas and you keep trying. 

I am proud of you for crying this postpartum. You have found your voice thank God and you are using it pretty well. You aren’t crying in the shower, you let yourself cry whenever the f^ck you feel like it. You are expressing yourself and feeling all the things, gracias a dios. This season is hard. You are juggling four humans while finding your way. I wish you were kinder but we are still working on that. Overall, you are a beast. You are honoring yourself. You are allowing yourself to surrender. You aint great at it but at least you are not stressing cleaning, feeding the kids and running back to all the ideas you have. 

Another thing we forgot, breastfeeding. What the f^ck?!?!?! That shit is still hard for you, I’m sorry. You went from sore vagina to raw as f^ck nipples. It feels like somebody is clipping your nipples. You hate every second of it. There is nothing cute about raw nipples. But it is f^cking dope to see milk flow from your breast. You still gotta supplement but this time cuz you are figuring out pumping with four kids but you are getting there. On demand ain’t for you yet, maybe soon once baby girl is stronger. For now, you have little b!tch moments and you want to quit every day but you keep pushing cuz you ain't a quitter. We are also positive you will regret it if you quit now. The goal is still 6 months of pumping, heard you. Chin a chin you will get there. Un dia a la vez. Kicking and screaming but we got to day 40, so we here. 

This mother’s day feels like our blooming. Something about it feels like a completion and renewal all at the same time. That’s the beauty of motherhood, all the feelings exist at the same time every day. I am so proud of you for pushing through. For honoring yourself through the tears. You are evolving mama. You are entering a new chapter. You are supposed to stretch. You gotta break to set yourself free. You ain’t new to this but it will require a whole new version of you. What you did the last two postpartum ain’t going to work in this season. You are not the same and now you have 4 kids. Embrace it. Own it. You got this. It is your season to bloom to become a Mamasota.

With deep love,

Day 40 V

Mother’s Day I let my hair down real quick