6 Weeks Postpartum: What No One Tells You About This Milestone
Have you ever tried to keep yourself alive, a newborn and three children ages 5 and under while postpartum and stay at home mama? Sounds crazy, vaina de loco, right? It has been my reality for the last six weeks. I clearly didn’t think all this through but that’s the fun part, right? Today, I am six weeks postpartum. I officially survived labor and delivery. I didn’t die bringing life to the earth side. I survived being a human vessel for a fourth baby. After a single boy and identical twin boys we now have a baby girl. Six weeks on earth is so different from six weeks postpartum. I am learning a new body, adjusting to four children and discovering who I am now. Baby girl is adjusting to breathing on earth, discovering who I am and adjusting to the family she was brought home into.
Today I am six weeks postpartum. Dique I am healed. Dique that’s it I can carry on with my life. Congratulations. Six weeks ago, I did not think I would be past the fog. Week one, the fog was thick as f^ck. It creeps up on you like a cocktail. It is seductive. For the third time, it felt like an old friend. The first 24 hours I completely forgot about it. I was busy functioning enough to be cleared to get home to my children and dique start healing. But el diablo siempre llega even when you don’t call him. The fog was so unexpected. By the time I noticed, it already had me in a choke hold. I spiraled fast. The tears, fears and darkness cornered me. I panicked but thankfully I was not alone and it was not my first time. Through the fog I heard a voice whisper write, so I did. I let the tears fall and I started writing. I started to write to remember every single feeling, moment and thought. I was curious what it would feel like reading my experience on the other side. Writing got me out of the fog. Talking to my husband through the tears pulled me through.
It took six weeks for the fog to clear. It was like walking while suffocating. Trying to catch my breath with every step. I was light headed, dizzy and confused at times. Focusing on completing tasks helped. Focusing on what I could control got me through. The funny part is that you can’t control much, you are just going with the motions. In these last six weeks, I have watched my body shrink. “Snap back” dique is what society would call it. But really it is your body returning to where it was before you carried this baby. It is actually muscle memory. The weight has come off fast, which I was not expecting. For six weeks I have been raw and exposed. I have felt it all.
Today, I am six weeks postpartum. Creativity keeps me above water while feeding children, cooking, doing laundry, showering, trying to do my hair, sleep, snuggle a newborn, pump, nurse, eat, separate fights and whatever else gets thrown at me while I am home alone. I gotta remember to play. I gotta remember they are children. I gotta remember I need to stay calm somehow so everybody else can be calm. I gotta remember this too shall pass. I gotta coach myself to the other side of every single f^cking moment. Then repeat. Mami supported me for four weeks while I started to juggle again. Miguel, my husband is hands on when he is home. We juggle everything together. But when he is at work as a registered nurse, it is just me. I survive in moments. I was really ambitious trying to think months in advance. I kept telling myself “In four months, this will all be fine como si nada and I will forget this struggle”. The reality is while I am in it, I don’t give a f^ck about tomorrow. It is overwhelming to even consider tomorrow while my nipples are raw, I am usually topless, I pee every second, I gotta wipe everyone's ass, figure out dinner and smile.
Thankfully, I forgot the newborn stage. Thankfully, God does not show us a preview of the journey cuz I would not have signed up for this ride. I probably would have stayed hidden in Mami’s house in New Jersey. Thankfully, God pushes us forward gently. Thankfully, even through the chaos I still dream of more. With a new baby, I have been blessed with more love. This week, baby girl smiled at me. She smiled at her brothers. She smiled at her daddy. Even through the chaos my heart melted, tears ran down my face while I smiled back at her. It was absolutely magical. That’s the secret. Postpartum sucks every single day but there are many magical moments, which really do make it worth it even when I feel like una maldita loca. Six weeks is really nothing when compared to the rest of my life. But at the moment, it is everything. These last six weeks have been long as f^ck. I can laugh now at the chaos. I can smile. I made it this far. I am proud of the woman that keeps putting one foot in front of the other. That keeps trying something different to make it to the other side. Even figuring out when to type this has been a juggle. But I will keep showing up. I will keep doing what I gotta do. Mama life is exactly that trial and error every moment of the day. Today, I am six weeks postpartum. I will keep counting because it helps me survive. I will keep counting because the goal is to thrive and pass the counting to live.
My face after surviving a feed with 3 amazing boys jumping around. Good times I swear, lol.
